I am a cis-man. I am a male who stands against patriarchy. I have an understanding of gender oppression because I experience it myself. I have a limited but sympathetic understanding of the oppression my female and trans friends suffer. I feel victimized by a position of power bestowed on me that I don’t want. Cis-men friends of mine have confided in me their maddening struggles with emotional numbness, a disconection they do not want to feel, desires they don’t really have but are made to feel to have, societal roles ingrained in them that conflict with their natural desires to coexist with others in a cohesive, harmonious way.
We don’t have to beat ourselves up. We shouldn’t let anyone else tell us we are unemotional, unsympathetic, power hungry oppressive beasts: that we are bad people. We are not, and we can question and deconstruct the power structures in place that try to mold us into the soldiers for their wars, the cage builders for their prisons, the pawns for their cause. We with such enormous societal privilege, we can do something to make this world a better place; something much more positive than hating ourselves because we are men in a society that tells us we should own, rape, and kill others. Turning societal anger inwards, towards ourselves, is just another part of the problem.
I won’t let anyone make me or any of my friends feel ashamed for being a man.
I really like a lot of what yr saying: challenging gender roles is great, deconstructing privilege is more productive than feeling guilty, and I can’t understand, but I’m sure being socialized as a man really, really sucks. However, I don’t believe these forced roles are not the same as oppression, and I think calling it that is really problematic.
EDIT: Also, I’m not sure if this is what yr trying to say/I don’t know if this makes you feel ashamed for being a man, but I hope you recognize that it’s really valid for cis-women and trans folks to hate cis-men.
I will not validate your hatred of anyone.
Oppression -noun
1. the exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner.
2. the feeling of being heavily burdened, mentally or physically, by troubles, adverse conditions, anxiety, etc.
Gender oppression is defined as oppression associated with the gender norms, relations, and stratification of a given society.
The dictionary was written by the dominant narrative. Pulling out dictionary definitions of a word is a method of invalidating and a derailing tactic. Controlling language gives power, and using words in a way our society defines them can lead to really fucked things. Examples: transphobia (in the context we use it) doesn’t really mean a FEAR of trans people, this word is used when folks are behaving in ways that oppress trans people, our language says “they” cannot be used as a singular pronoun and doesn’t recognize ze/hir, so are you going to resort to calling me “she?”
We create our own contexts and meanings for words and when we use certain words they carry certain connotations that can’t be ignored because of how the dictionary defines it. When you use oppression in the context you did, it is a manipulation of the word. In terms of gender: you hold the power, institutions are on yr side, being a cis-man means yr an agent of oppression and you uphold these systems of power, you have privilege, cis-women and trans folk don’t. Essentially, you are not marginalized or othered by yr privilege, patriarchy means cis-men are the norm, and trans folks should fuck off and die. By saying yr oppressed it implies otherwise, I know that’s not what you mean to do, but I think you should find another word to describe yr experience.
Here’s another example: I am white, and I have class privilege, I did not ask for either of these things. However, because I have them, I am in a position of power and privilege. Growing up in the white suburbs has ingrained a lot of things into me that I don’t like at all, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been victimized or oppressed. That is a completely different experience than oppression. If I were to say I’m oppressed because of this, or when you say yr oppressed as a cis-man, that implies that everyone is oppressed for all aspects of their identity.
“The statement that women are oppressed is frequently met with the claim that men are oppressed too. We hear that oppressing is oppressive to those who oppress as well as those they oppress. Some men cite as evidence of their oppression their much-advertised inability to cry. It is tough, we are told, to be masculine. When the stresses and frustrations of being a man are cited as evidence that oppressors are oppressed by their oppressing, the word “oppression” is being stretched to meaninglessness; it is treated as though its scope includes any and all human experience of limitation or suffering, no matter the cause, degree or consequence. Once such usage has been put over on us, then if ever we deny that any person or group is oppressed, we seem to imply that we think they never suffer and have no feelings. We are accused of insensitivity; even of bigotry. For women, such accusation is particularly intimidating, since sensitivity is one of the few virtues that has been assigned to us. If we are found insensitive, we may fear we have no redeeming traits at all and perhaps are not real women. Thus are we silenced before we begin: the name of our situation drained of meaning and our guilt mechanisms tripped.”
-Marilyn Frye
I’m not saying you need to beat yrself up, but not owning up to being an agent of oppression is a way to avoid and deny privilege, and not deconstruct it.
Word. Nice response, Jillian. I got into a conversation awhile ago with one of my cis male friends about “men’s oppression”. The socialization that boys go through is really violent and traumatic, but i wouldn’t use the word “oppression” to describe it. Cis men are still in the oppressor role, and to me, calling it “men’s oppression” invalidates the real oppression that women and trans folk experience under patriarchy. Cis men are NOT oppressed for being men (although they may be oppressed in other ways).
I love what you said here.
Reblogging for truth. Also for Marilyn Frye.
I like the passion, and a lot of the spirit, in the rebuttal, but I’m not completely convinced. Two reasons:
First up, if you’re going to lead with a point about how words are contextual, defined in “what I meant” rather than “what the dictionary said”, and then criticise someone’s use of a word when the meaning behind it is perfectly clear. As I read it, the original poster identifies with feminism because he believes that the patriarchy has negative effects on both men & women. Whether you call it oppression or not, would you rather he said “well, I’m not oppressed, so I don’t give a shit about feminism”.
And secondly, what word would you use? You seem to agree that the patriarchal system does do something negative to men, but you wouldn’t call it oppression. So, what is it?
